What I wanted to achieve when I started as a business coach
Helping people to enjoy their work. That was my mission when I started as a professional business coach. I have experienced how it feels like to go to work with a heavy heart, and the impact it has on your life. Even the people close to you, will suffer from your negative feelings. The word “enjoyment” in my mission is chosen on purpose; laughing together creates a bond and trust in each other. Because laughing together is not likely if you don’t like the person you are laughing with.
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I myself have worked countless years in business and the non-profit sector. I know in which context the people I help work. Whether it’s as an independent or within a team. I recognize their stories, because I too have experienced this in my life.
Working in an environment in which affairs are not in order (for example arguments in the leadership team), caused my team and I to become unable to do our jobs. It made me snappy and I would always seek confrontation. Sometimes this worked in my favour, but I wasn’t the happiest camper. At one day I realised that if I wouldn’t communicate in a neutral way, I wouldn’t become as effective as I could be. Since it's easy to call out what goes wrong, but hard to convince others of your solution.
To become more effective I started my first year in the School of Coaching. I wanted to learn how to communicate in a neutral way, but also learn how to maintain a positive energy balance in my life. This period of revelation triggered me to understand how people work. My next educational program at Phoenix would soon follow and turned me into a real business coach.
The story of the others
Strained work relationships, lack of safety and with that deficient results and burn-outs. These situations seem to develop regularly. Still, nobody gets up in the morning and thinks: “How can I be mean to this one colleague or my team?” Nobody does.
What hits me every time is the frustration that people feel because they don’t know how to adjust the situation to become better. The lack of insights and knowledge to improve the situation is wide spread throughout employees. That is not necessarily bad. My tip to improve: it starts with understanding in the other person, and imagine to walk a mile in their shoes. Questions that help with this: what moves this person to do what they do? What is their story? What is our relationship and how can we improve? You can do this with colleagues, but with your manager as well. Think about how you can be there for them, and what they might need from you.
That is why I base my life, every single day, on these two pillars:
- I suspend all my judgement (pre or afterwards). This gives me the ability to be curious about what drives people.
- What is the story of this other person? Not only as a ‘task’, but genuine interest in the other person's story.
This gives me rest and a neutral view which I was looking for, for all these years. Combine this with neutral language and my efforts became more effective.
Enjoyment connects people
The enjoyable things in my life saved me from getting lost in a negative spiral when the clouds darkened my happiness. For me personally this means cooking my favourite dish, having a laugh with friends and participating in crazy, but fun, activities. If you know me, you will know how much and sometimes loud I can laugh. It helps me to put things in perspective and removes any tension I feel. Research showed that laughing boosts the speed and level in which we build trust with others. Laughing together gives you the option to get to know the other person. That connects.
My mission is to help people to enjoy their job. For this reason I like to share my insights, knowledge and tips that I encounter during my practice and projects for organizations, but also in my blogs.
Next time: tips to create a balance for your energy if you notice you get up with a heavy heart in the morning.